(..or why I am not writing a blog every day, like I said I would..)
You know, this is probably.. this must be the most difficult part of my business..
Telling the truth at all times - with love.
Love - for all of us involved.. Me, included.
I guess the first thing that comes to my mind about this promise I made to myself (that I am not respecting) is that life is a cycle made of cycles.
You know what they say, that in 3 dimensions life looks like a spiral (my favourite) - but in real life it might feel like from time to time we arrive in the same (rotten) spot we were in a few months back or a few years back and think: Geez, I thought I already dealt with that..
And still, here it is. Again.
In "real life" I had a "real reason" to stop my project of 365 days of blogging only after... hahaha, a week.. :-)
Namely, my "real life reason" was that my beloved laptop broke.
It didn't break-break - but some of the letters went striking - Y, U, I, O.
(Like, the most important :-) the letters in Y O U and I :-) )
I did several practical things to find a solution - about which I will probably write at length another time, for the ones out there who might find themselves in the same kind of situation..
For now, let's just say I had a few kind of partial solutions for a while - but not a complete one until I bought a new laptop.. Which happened about one month after I stopped my baby 365 days project :-)
A month after! Gasp!
I promised to write 365 days, I wrote 7 in a row.. and now it was 30 days later..!
It gave me food for thought.
About how resistance can manifest itself in all these mysterious ways.
About how I did not even know when this whole month passed.
About how, after a month of not writing a thing, I had little to no inspiration.
About how before my computer broke I could not stop writing for more than 3 months..
..About how difficult it was to even consider writing this blog post.
Yet, here I am, writing it.
There used to be these huge things in my life before motherhood and having a little business of my own.. :-) two bundles of joy, how they say :-) Like, the Easter, the holidays, the Christmas.. you know, the big things.. and the small one, like full moon, new moon - and let's not forget, day and night :-)
I am still aligned with the natural cycles.. (Although arguably the Easter happening is more man made than natural)..
I am, I am still aligned, especially my body is.
In the same time there are other cycles, natural to me now, that are in the spot light nowadays..
In my little family, it's superhero time already a few months - and while we went through the well-known Superman, Spider-Man, Batman and the more modern Ironman and Thor, we are now in the 'invent a new one' phase, where V is inventing a new superhero or two everyday.
It is fun and exciting to see what he comes up with and how he adapts what he sees on YouTube to make his own costume and see it as 'the real thing'..
18 shiny boxes and counting for the duo boxes and I also cut the papers for the minis and a lot of other papers for the duo.
I used to make one box from the beginning till the end and then start with the next one.. Now, in the interest of time, I cut all the papers first - or at least, a big part of it - and I am making them as "automatically" as I can :-)
It goes much faster and I do not have to concentrate as much - which is win-win as I can listen to whatever I want to - and talk to V all day long without making too many mistakes..
I am so enjoying this process, it's a great meditative practice for me. And a great lesson in not stressing..
For some reason, this time I had no interest in making shiny boxes from prints of my art - but went on to make them from older stacks of carton that I have saved for a while. Wow, are they beautiful!
I am wondering why I felt nothing for making boxes from my art but here it is, me totally trusting that my intuition tells me what people will enjoy at the Leefmarkt fair..
We also had a surprise guest today in house:
The fear that 'this' is it, while I am at the border.
While I am walking here in the mist, it smells like trees and in the same time like a vast yellow field, the crop I was looking for.
It smells like a forest garden.
And I am scared.
I can smell and feel my forest garden but I am still walking in the morning mist and I do not see anything.
What if I just pass it buy?
What if I will never ever find it..
What if it's Not.Meant.To.Be. ?..
As a mother, I feel that there are mostly the small victories that matter.
Sure, there might be the big births, the graduations and the big or small weddings..
But the everyday life has golden moments that a mother lives to cherish or lives to regret.
One big small personal victory is that I have more and more of the first and less and less of the last.
Last weekend I gave myself a small holiday after the hard (and loved!) work that April's Shine was.
I also kinda had it in my system as May 1st till May 5th were imprinted in my memories as free days, in RO for different reasons than in the NL. Especially as a student I loved going with my friends to the seaside in a small vacation in the first days of May..
These past few months I found myself writing hundreds of pages that I want to share with you, my faithful friends.
Not only have I written a blog a day for April's Shine but there are and where other stories, old and new, moments in time that need healing and closing, dreams and plans that want to be shared so that they can be anchored in reality.
So I have decided to go all vulnerable and share it all on my journal blog..
It feels really really naked and raw..
..I kind of struggled with the name i wanted to give to this new adventure I am embarking in - and I was trying to invent a good date to start..
Thinking about it when I started writing this mail I realized that starting "yesterday" felt actually "better". There is no one good day to do that - so I will just start. Tomorrow is day one.. :-)..
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I write about what makes me feel alive and shining: my work, art, love of life, sun, the sea, essential oils, my son, raw food and green smoothies.
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