Do you know how every respectable teacher says we should embrace change? Because in the end the Only. Constant. Thing. Is. Change?
And like it's really logical and it sound right until the reality is that the last thing you want is.. change?
Personally I just cannot live in the same ever environment or do the same thing every day at the same time.
I can totally understand if somebody wants to feel like there is stability in life - so they invent a structure of the day and follow that until the end... but...
That person is just not me.
I do not have regular meals, I just eat when I am hungry.
I do not buy the same things every week.
I cannot go to sleep the same time and wake up at the same time.
I sleep as much as my body needs and I do not need an alarm to wake me up. I just say to myself I want to wake up at a certain hour and I do. It's certainly not the same one every day. And I love to sleep so occasionally I wake up very late.
And a (eery dirty..) secret? I do not shower every day and if I do, I do not do it in the morning or in the evening, I just do it when I feel like showering; it's not because I have to do it every day. There. I said it.
There are enough other things I can bet will happen every day.. The sun will rise every day, that is enough stability for me. I will always love my son every day. My house will kinda look the same every day (our reality on Earth is handy that way).. (Just imagine if we would not have this combo of space-time reality where we all agreed that things will look the same tomorrow, we would have to invent a world every day. )
Talking about showers, this morning I took one. I am so enjoying my - our - (still really new although it's been a few months) vitalized water. I love water but I was noticing that I did not love the water flowing in this apartment any more. I did not like the taste and had more and more resistance to cleaning anything including myself. Since we installed the Aqua Vitalizer, this whole new wellness came into our lives. And we even got a cat, she felt the improved energy of the house.. Cats know.. :-)
"She" is actually a stray cat. She was running through our garden and we could not even touch her, she was very frightened and her defenses are up most of the time. She must've had a rough life. Although she is very young (I'd guess a little more than a year old), she does not play at all. She is scared of the little pieces of paper I used to make her play.. V called her Mary, Mary the Cat.
I discovered something in the shower this morning. I was thinking about how change was a constant in my life.
When I was living with my parents I could not leave my room's furniture in the same place for more than a few months.. I started changing "my interior" long time before I was even thinking of becoming an architect.
Only much later had I seen the relationship between the two..
The first time I completely changed my room I was so credibly proud!! And every time I would coin a new furniture setting - I can perfectly remember that feeling. A new chance, a new life almost..
And at the same time, in Romania in those times, almost every time something would change, would be for the worse.
My lifetime began with a kind of a political false spring, with Ceausescu and his clique putting up an almost honourable face (for the ones who were naive enough to believe it).. Markets were full, shops were flourishing and things seemed to be taken care of. Then the big earthquake came in 1977 (I was 7) and it kinda went down hill from there.
In the next few years parks disappeared or went wild and in ruin, a third of Bucharest - my birth town - got a new, quite horrible socialist look, many dogs went stray because of the demolition and became like wild wolves,shops disappeared or were totally empty, just dark wholes where we would attach ourselves forming a huge worm every time there would be 'something coming".. "Se da ceva", ("something's been given"), we would say.. translation is almost impossible, there was this feeling, this hope that we might be able to "get something".. It was af course sold, not that the exchange of money was not needed. But the "giving" was in that one thing that arrived in the "alimentara" of "aprozar".. That something was for example potatoes and we could "get" two kilos.. That is, IF one was lucky and strong as to survive the worm row, sometimes of hundreds of people. The clue was not to let yourself get at the outskirts of the row.. So as a young girl, if I wanted to "get something" (many times we would get in a row even without knowing exactly wat would be "coming"), I would have to allow myself to be squeezed in that humid horrid smelling mass of bodies, no intimacy or reputation space to be found. I would 'go with the flow" of the row moving and when the end would be in reach I would have to stay very strong in the middle.. Many times, after standing in a row for several hours, I would be kicked out of the moving bodies worm and there would be no going back.
The people got really rat like, there was a continuous fight for survival that, even if I did not "get" rationally until much much later,
So I cannot live without change but in the same time I grew up with the expectancy that it will be for the worse.
I have worked on it like crazy and I finally can say that I see it: I love change and variation and I am happy to say, I do not wait for "the other shoe to drop any more".!
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