Because I lived in a communist country and did not want to be a communist writer.
The passion for writing changed into a passion for drawing and than into a passion for freedom expressed in every little thing I did.
I started drawing even more, for me more than for my J.O.B.
Which transformed into painting, playing and experimenting with all the art materials I could get my hands on, collaging and encaustic, photography and graphic design. Into dancing and singing.
Many years later and after deciding to leave the corporate world, I wanted to "have a website" so I learned how to make one. I started an internet based coaching practice a little while after my son was born and in the same time I discovered the marvelous and ingenious way our bodies work, provided we give them what they need. A new journey started, the green smoothies, juices and raw food, superfoods and the natural self care absorbed me totally up to the point of obsession, as did natural child rearing, unschooling, breastfeeding and attachment parenting.
Thus Shining Mama was born. And I was and am happy to include ALL that I am passionate about in one place.
To Be the Totality of me. To write the blogs and the books, to experiment with raw foods, to be the most perfect (yeah!) single mother on Earth, to paint intuitively and share all the beauty I see with the world and most of all, to support people who want to share my journey. And recently, to express this all via video, a new beloved self expression toy.
So when are those excuses coming along? you might ask..
Right now and here.
I AM SORRY.
Please forgive me that I haven't been in touch for a few months.
It has been a crazy turcoise and purple with flairs of orange tornado of life going on, and lots of introspection. A million of "why"s every day (and my son was in his "why" period, too), lots of life and little big things were transforming and shaping me into a new kind of Shining Mama.
And just imagine my surprise when exactly my first ever gift to have, writing, decided all of a sudden to dry up somewhere end June, totally and unexpectedly.
It was as if I was in a place so inundated with light that I never realized it was a room until someone - or the wind! - had shut the door and strangled every bit of light out. As if all of a sudden I was in a totally dark, very tiny room that had no door any more.
I have to write those blogs and send those mails to my friends, otherwise I am doomed!
Everybody will forget me.
I will never be able to coach anybody in my whole life.
End of business and abundance.
That was my first struggle.
The second to hundred thousand struggles were the feelings of instability that Pitch Black (PB) is giving us all, I believe..
So I dealt with PB.
I detoxed. And I detoxed some more. My physical body and my other bodies, all I could touch, find, unwind and unearth.
I started growing and juicing my own sprouts and wheat grass. I lost kilos of baby fats and became more friends with me. I worked it, the PB.
And worked it again.
I gave away to charity all the things I did not use. I'm planning to give some more.
And I looked Lady Resistance right in her beautiful blue eyes. She was no stranger, as you may know.
We made peace, again.I just made a door in my PB room. I took a pen and I drawn it and I wrote it. And it opened.
And, my lovely, here is what I discovered.
PBs are coming along to give us a gentle nudge, just like a loving dog pushes us softly to pay attention.
I do not have to write to you every week so you do not forget me. I want to write to you when I have something to say.
No white blurbing noise.
No gargle and no fluff.
Just powerful, full, plump with meaning and rich with story words.
When I have no words, I will not invent them.
I hope you understand.
And you? Are you using words just because sometimes?
Or do your light plump meaningful words always come to you?
And did you have any PB lately? How was that for you? Did someone open your door or did you draw it yourself?
I would love to know.
wow. I always love your words. They are a gift to me. I have become convinced that although we strive for consistancy and regularity and predictability, life is so much more about rhythms of all kinds, as we move in and out of myriad places. Thanks for this.
Thank you, Cheryl! It is so true! We all have our own rhythms and life and stars add to them constantly. I was always aware of my own body and action rhythms but once one becomes an entrepreneur, a guide, an "out there" person, it's mostly expected for them to produce and produce and produce all the time and with consistency. Maybe it's also my against the norm tendency but such an expectancy will not do for me :-) much love!
Thank you, Ioana. For keeping the words plump and light..but full of flavor. The internet has us clamoring in more ways than one for attention. Blogs are written just for the sake of that: attention, even when they are not really saying anything. It is well that you write when there is only something to say. Too many words have been wasted already, too many times we reach out trying to be understood when we don't really know what we are trying to say. I'm just glad we have a tool now that makes the world a little smaller and makes us realize that life is beautiful.. everywhere :)
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I write about what makes me feel alive and shining: my work, art, love of life, sun, the sea, essential oils, my V-boy son, raw food and green smoothies.
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