"Do not put your journal in your blog", they say.
But that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
For the most part, because journaling is about the only thing I can write nowadays...
If you andered around here these past few years, you've probably noticed that there was not much of a blog (or signs of virtual online-life, for that matter) going on here.
So what happened?
A dear friend died, I almost was in Paris with my little V-boy when the big terrorist attacks happened, I've had some other little and big things happen and deep forgotten stuff came up and BOOM, no blog "as it should be" coming through my fingers.
There’s no way to start this (again!) than in the middle.
There’s no other place, really, then the middle. Always.
We seem to think there is a beginning - and an end - to things - and stories. I seem to believe that about my stories, anyway.
But as much as I attempt to find that one unique moment and reveal it to you - for the sake of understanding, and context, and consistency - my (momentous or original) beginning always eludes me.
So here I am, in the middle. In a random moment, within a random day.
As every moment of every day is a middle.
The birth - my birth or V's birth - they seem to be beginnings - but things did not start there, did they...
Is the beginning of a child, any human, really, the moment it physically enters the womb?
That fleeting moment of entering and receiving that the parents shared?
So tell me, what’s the next step, I ask.
Suddenly, an image.
I am riding at night between two cities, lights on.
As it is to be expected, I cannot see the whole road in front of me.
I just know /expect it’s there.
I just have to pay attention to the signs.
I trust that there are road signs, if not man-made, then other kinds.
My vehicle's lights only show me the next few meters in front of me, then the next, then the next.
Following the road is what I trust will bring me to my destination.
This is a manifest.
Raw and most probably unconventional.
Uncomfortable to announce.
Although it's cooking and boiling for a while.
(and that sounds quite funny coming from someone who loves raw food) :-)
I cannot do routines. (ok, except brushing my teeth).
I cannot be consistent.
I cannot do a “practice”, something that I would do every day, every week, every month, on a certain day or even once a year.
I wanted to re-start my blog for forever but in any case on January the 1st, 2019.
And I wanted to do something on my blog every day for the next year.
Or at least once in a few days.
Or once a week.
Or once a month, for Goodness' sake.
It’s time, Birdie whispered.
Really, he said louder in my ear and he spread his dark blue feathers as to attract my attention.
Hm, are you acting again like one of those humans, he said.
Yes, yes I am. I don’t want it to be time.
I have a headache and my hand hurts, I could not possibly start writing now, not THAT.
I am just back from this year’s (long due) holiday.
And what a holiday it was!
I took 4 weeks - most of them internet-less, - to be with myself and my son - and with Romania and my parents.
Romania - the land I was born in, it feels like a mother. A “mother” land that I HAD TO love and respect. One that I feel that I am finally letting go of.
It is a process, like most things are. I did not wake up one morning and said, here, I let you go, Romania. I am separate from you. I am me and I am free. I am independent of you and all your stuff. I am a human and an international citizen, I am not a "Romanian" anymore.
But while being there this past month, I finally felt it: it does not matter, Romania has no real grip on me anymore.
I can enjoy what I love about this land and I do not feel attached to the shit.
Yay for that.
photos courtoisie RawFood.nl
It's amazing to me how time flies!
Two weeks ago already I have been at the Raw Food Festival. (scroll down to find my name).
Together with Irene from Chocodelic and Annet from Raw Food NL we organised the "Raw Chocolate Paradise" where I spoke about raw chocolate as ceremonial drink and gave two workshops about making the simplest raw chocolate recipe - with CPTG essential oils (made a video with this recipe, see it here).
I had with me my Shiny Boxes, a lot of different chocolates to taste and a presentation of my new "Raw Chocolate with Essential Oils" course coming up soon, on Monday, July 11th. (check it out)
What an inspired active audience and colleagues, I left feeling uplifted and energised and with a lot of ideas about new raw chocolate recipes.
This was the program at the Raw Food Festival, Amsterdam 2016 (in Dutch):
At "Chocolate Paradise" between 12:00 and 18:00 - tasting the shiny chocs with essential oils:
12:00 - FREE - walk in
12:30-13:30 - lecture by Shining Mama with free ceremonial (raw) cacao drank; why is raw cacao a superfood?
13:30-14:00 - FREE - tasting the raw chocolate
14:00-15:00 - workshop by Shining Mama - how to make raw chocolate bonbons
15:0-16:00 - FREE - tasting the raw chocolate
16:00-17:00 - workshop by Shining Mama - how to make raw chocolate bonbons
15:0-16:00 - FREE - tasting the raw chocolate
read more here (in Dutch)
OK, darn it.
I'll admit it.
I am wrong, I am all kinds of wrong.
When he kindly asked me to go back “in time” to where I come from, I was confused.
There is no time to go back into, there are only other dimensions.
I could feel myself going back through 3-dimensional realities (why do we call them dimensions? 3-dimensional dimension? 4-dimensional dimension? Realities, that's a better world).
They are many and I was looking forward to going to that one, you know, the light and everything, where we all come from and where we go when we die.
In the same time, my poor body was getting really uncomfortably cold, like every time I am trying to pull back.
Who is the me pulling back from my body?
Gently, he called me back to the experience, asking me where I was.
Why do I talk so much about myself?
Is it because I think I am the next best thing after sliced bread?
Watch my video confession below:
All these thing I am talking about in my courses, workshops, videos, blogs, Facebook posts, one short, what you hear from me?
They are all tools. Tools that helped me.
Tools that I can teach you - to take care of yourself.
And they are not the only way to reach whatever purpose destination you want to reach.
You are not going to hear me, my way is the only way.
(“I did it my way”.. sing along)
It is my way. But it does not have to be yours if it does not float your boat.
One of the things I do not get on Earth is how much we get invested in.. our opinion about something.
Like I said in one of my videos these last few days. We have to have an opinion about things and then, after we got one, we fight for it, sometimes to the death. And sometimes to the death of so many other people, too.
I don’t get it.
And I don’t defend it, propose it or fight for this.
My opinion and my way of doing things are built on just my path.
If you share my opinion, if you read what I am writing or hear me - or feel my energy - and you feel that that same way might be something for you, fine. let’s walk the same path.
You don’t? There’s lots of other ways to follow the same direction - or even go in another direction.
Earth is big enough for us all, with our different opinions.
get my news:
Or learn how to make Raw Chocolate with essential oils (plus video)
I write about what makes me feel alive and shining: my work, art, love of life, sun, the sea, essential oils, my V-boy son, raw food and green smoothies.
Please feel free to share this page with your friends and to write to me whatever you feel like sharing.